Aug 2005

well here i am back in Madrid, i arrived on a bus from Barcelona this morning at 6:30am. i slept for a while and i have spent the entire day cleaning house and preparing for the first day of work tommorow.
In all sincerity, this trip had been one of the most fantastic things i have done in my life and it came at a time when i needed it most. As we all know i have my head always full of a million things, my soul is never quiet, it´s always moving and wanting to learn new things. But i also want to do so many things and sometimes i don´t know where to start. This trip has taught me more about myself and has taught me to understand my dreams better and what is most important to me. As we know i am planning to come back to Los Angeles for a while and i did alot of thinking about that while i was on my trip. i have also noticed how far i have come and what i am willing to sacrifice to make my dreams come true. I have met many people on my journey. I liked meeting people like me that travel around and i loved exchanging stories about places you have both been. Though most of the people i met in hostels were young students who were constantly asking me what i was studying or when i told them i lived in madrid they asked me what i was studying. I was like "no i work" and they would say "ya i´m going to have to look for a job soon one of these days" and they would ask me "how long i had been working for and i would say "12 years" and they just didn´t know what to say. i know my life has been a bit different than most of the people i met along the way, and it was hard to relate to them cause they hadn´t worked a day in their life and had travelled more than me at the age of 22. At times i would tear up inside but felt better when i really thought about it and that i did it on my own and never stopped dreaming. I was travelling and going to these places cause i really wanted to and worked hard for it and it meant so much to me to be there. i wasn´t travelling cause i was 22 and that´s what you do at that age when you go to "college" then you work and the travelling stops and so do the dreams then you retire. It was very personal to me and everyday was a dream come true.

I remember hanging out outside the hostal in Krakow listening to the guys playing guitar (the night rat boy touched my heart) and feeling so warm inside as the sound of the acoustic guitar always takes me to one of my most treasured childhood memories, listening to my father play the guitar. He would play all the time, and we would keep about our business while he played, because it was something i think he did to relax or disconnect. we never interupted him, we always enjoyed it, he always played the same songs over and over again and we would always listen attentively to the end of "Seagull" to see if he would be able to do the ending this time. He sang with all his heart, he sang with everything he had inside of him, and we would all feel it, it brought peace into the home for time he played and then it would all go to hell when Justin would have a fit cause he refused to take out the trash or Taylor would kick the nintendo cause he lost, but for that time my father would play, we were at peace. That night in Krakow, i became a bit emotional thinking about my mother and father and brothers and how much i missed them and how i missed those times of peace which were few and far in betweeen, but were wonderful. I could never live without listening to my father play guitar, the day he can´t play anymore i never want to hear one again.

The 3 days i spent in that small town in the south of the Czech Republic called Ceske Budojovice, were very instense for me. It rained very heavily and i was the only person in that little hostel. I was so meant to end up in that god forsaken town cause i did alot of thinking. i stayed in most of the time and ate and read my Pablo Coehlo books that were the best things i could have read on my trip. I would sit in my room for hours reading and thinking to myself and recapping my life. it reminded me when i first moved to El Escorial. I had 900 dollars, 2 suitcases and a dream. i found an apartment that wasn´t furnished (which is typical in spain) no t.v., radio, books, music, conversation, nothing, not a damn thing. It was very very very cold and i didn´t have hot water or heating for the first 2 weeks. i would sit in my empty living room and drink instant coffee and smoke fortuna lights and look at the monastery that beckoned at my living room window. I sold everything and left everything i had to live in this small village in Spain and was able to find an apartment with views of my treasured monastery which i also kept so close to my heart and there i was. i felt so retarded. i was like i am soooooo cold and hungry and i don´t have any working papers or friends or money. But there was a little flutter in my heart that reminded me that this was my dream and the time had come and i knew i would make it happen cause i can survive like a cat in the street, but when you are faced with your dream right there you don´t know what to do with it, because it was always a dream. I made my life happen only because i really wanted to live in Spain. If i didn´t want it as bad as i did, i wouldn´t have lasted, but i knew i would make it happen. And the time i went was the best time for me. I was younger, 23, full of dreams and tired of life (which didn´t get ANY easier). the people that have come into my life in spain all came in at the right time. If i would have arrived in Spain 1 week later than planned, my life here in spain would be completely different. I came when i was supposed to, cause it was my heart that told me it was time to go. Just like it was my heart that told me it was time to make this trip. I am a very strong believer in following your dreams and really being true to your heart and i know i live my life much like a dreamer and most people don´t agree with my lifestyle which is absolutely fine cause everyone is different but i dont´feel silly anymore being a dreamer. I ask so many people what are your dreams? and you would be amazed how many people don´t have any dreams. if they do they usually do with making money or being professionally succesful. It´s as if people have forgotten to dream, they forgot what it was that they wanted to do. So many people couldn´t give me an answer, it was as if they never thought about it. i would think to myself, wow i want to do a MILLION THINGS, i want to learn 5 languages, go to the great wall of china, go to machu pichu, visit argentina, see penguins in antartica, work in France, dance in my living room, enjoy good wine with great friends, play with children, crochet scarfs, take pictures, dance with people all over the world, taste food from countries i have never heard of, dance with an african tribe, move to sevilla, sing with strangers, have a love affair that lasts 3 beautiful days, work with handicapped children, help poor people, learn how to cook more food, blah, blah blah, blah,blah,blah i just don´t shut up, and there were so many people that couldn´t even name 3 things they like to do in their spare time. I was like "man, you´ve got to live, here lets write down what you like and what you have always wanted to do" and they were like "no, i have my family and my friends and my job, it´s to hard" and i really learned that i have to respect everyone as i want to be respected and i can´t change the world in a month. I guess i just wanted everyone to dream and work towards it and the things they truly want, but i guess they don´t want to really make it happen i guess, i still haven´t figured it out. i think it´s because most people like security and i just throw security right out that window "who needs it when you could get hit by a bus tommorow or get sick in 2 years?" I like feeling alive now. Even though i have many problems and my life is a constant bad columbian soap opera (without the make-up and tacky clothes) I guess i always remind myself i could be seriously ill, homeless,living in a war stricken country, or worst of all...be alone.

Which brings me to another point. With all the things i have done and all the places i have been to, none of what i have done would have been possible if i didn´t have all the family and friends i have, though my family has given me alot of grief and still does from time to time and it´s been nice being away from them for a while (they form part of the bad columbian soap opera), they have always been so supportive of me and never discouraged me EVER to chase my dreams. I carry a piece of everyone in my family in me, always. I want to thank everyone in my family for always accepting me just the way i was no matter how silly i dressed or how chaotic my life has been. I want to thank them all for pitching in when i was a very little girl and all forming an important part in raising me. I want to thank my mom for always encouraging me to be myself and never judging me and always defending me at school to teachers who felt something was wrong with her daughter cause she was "different" I want to thank my father for telling me when i was 12 the key to life was to never marry or have credit cards, and of course for playing his guitar and always reminding me i was a lady and i should eat like one not like a ravenous animal. I want to thank the friends that made me feel like i never left, and the ones who have made the fantastic effort to come out and see me during these past 4 and a half years (jessica holds the record, 3 times!!!) The friends who have had to deal with all the plan 9 from outer space plans i have had and have nodded their head and said "that´s sounds good" I wouldn´t be anywheres near the person i am now if i didn´t have the most fantastic friends by my side. I want to thank all of my friends in Spain as well who have always offered their heart, ear, or their couch and have tried to understand my problems the best they could and random hysterical fits, for also making my life in Spain the most spectacular 4 and a half years i have ever had and helping me pull through those very difficult first years, thank you. Thank you to everyone who has helped me become the person i am now and helping me go after all those dreams i treasure and hold so close to my heart. I am truly a very loved person and that perhaps is the most important thing in my life, all of you, because even though the spectacular firework show in budapest was beautiful, and the coffee in Austria was superb, the rising and setting of the sun in various beautiful eastern european cities, the fantastic beer in the Poland, the fantastic views in Prague and the pastries in Vienna were magnificent and the sound of nothing in a mountain in Austria were all fanstatic and soul filling, not one of those things are as important and beautiful as you. I love you.
live your dreams, laugh, follow your heart and smile!

well people, i departed Salzburg at 1:38am on a night train 2 days ago on my way to Venice. My ticket wasn't a bed seat it was another chair seat because there weren't anymore beds on the train so i had no choice, but, when i found my cabin, i saw that you could lay out the chairs and make it like one big bed. Now there are 6 seats in one cabin, so technicaly 6 people could sleep in one cabin. Well i found 3 lovely young italian guys in my cabin sleeping soundly. The train had previously come from Vienna so they had been asleep for 3 hours already. They were all spread about, cozy, warm and comfortable. Then i had to wake them up so i could kind of put my backpack away and climb into bed with them which was going to be quite interesting. They all sat up kind of upset cause i guess they thought they couldn't sleep anymore cause now i was there. i told them not to worry, go back to sleep i will sleep in the other direction. well after an hour and a half i was really uncomfortable and these guys were SOUND asleep cause they were sleeping completely streched out and i wasn't cause i was trying to sleep in a fetal position between the feet of 2 of them. Well after a while of being very uncomfortable and longing to sleep and stretch myelf out, i kind of squirmed my way in between Luigi and Vincenzo (i just gave them any name) i wiggled myself slowly in between both of them trying not to wake them up, which i did. I apologized and Luigi said no its okay don't worry, so i got my little twin star pillow and slept all cozy in between luigi and vincenzo. I was laughing so much to myself because i was thinking if the people i knew could see me now sleeping with these 3 very cute and young italian guys, it was like a once in a lifetime oportunity!!! sometimes life gives you little blessings you just have to accept and not complain. 5 hours later, some man comes in to check our tickets, when we woke up i realized i was cuddled up against luigi like he was a stuffed animal and holding vincezo arm!!!!!! i was like oh i am so sorry, they weren't really bothered and were quite tired themselves and were quite relieved they didn't have to sleep with a 65 year old stinky man with a beard. After they checked our tickets, we cuddled up again to sleep the remaining 2 hours left of the train ride. When we arrived at Venice We said goodbye and good luck and we went our seperate ways. I found my hostal and checked in. I met my new roomate who was a guy named richard from London. we decided to go and have lunch together at the restaurant downstairs that was absolutely fantastic and cheap. Then we went to The city center and walked all through venice. Venice is something everyone has to see, but not in August at 3 in the afternoon. lots of tourists and it was hot, ( i was happy about the weather, it was the first time on my trip i had seen the sun!) but venice is fantastic, beautiful, wish you were here! Well we reached the main plaza, San Marcos, and there i discovered the wonderful world of feeding pigeons. The plaza is known for an exhorbant amount of pigeons and people feeding them, they eat out of your hand and fly all over you, so i quickly bought i bag of pigeon food for a euro. Before i even opened the bag some pigeon flew over to me and was hovering in front of me like a hummingbird waiting for me to open the bag, he got so impatient, he grabbed the bag with his little pigeon claws to take it away, i was like "hey man chill out, give me a minute" well i opened the bag and there was a SWARM of pigeons that came at me, flapping their wings and eating out of my hands and wherever the seeds went flying to. i was laughing soooooooooo hard and my new friend richard took some pictures of me with the pigeons. i kept feeding them and laughing cause there were like 10 pigeons sitting on me, oh it was so much fun. i could have done that all day. then we walked around the plaza, went to the top of the tower to see the view of the city and then walked around venice some more. we stopped and had a beer and talked for a while, then tried to find our way back to the train station. Venice is like a labyrinth, if you don't have a map, you're lost! it was so beautiful, everything people said about how dirty it was didn't seem true to me, it was like an ordinary city clean wise, but i thought it was fantastic. well we made our way back to the hostal, i took a nap then we went downstairs to eat again. i had 2 plates of fantastic pasta this time, it was so good i asked for the recipe and the cook gave it to me, it's a very easy recipe, i cant' wait to try it at home. Then after dinner we went back up to our room and had a beer on the balcony where we met our new roomate Jennifer from Seattle, then we met another girl from England and we chatted for about and hour then we all went to bed. Today i fly from Venice back Girona, Spain where i will be spending one night, i will write from there. Besos, Ciao!

well today has been a good day. i woke up very early, the earliest i have woken up on my trip, i woke up at 7am!! i was so anxious to go out and see Salzburg, the place i have dreamed of going for over half my life. i had breakfast here at the hostal and i was out on the street by 9am. As i was walking into the city i was looking at all the mountains around me and i started smiling to myself thinking "im in salzburg!" i walked around the city and then stopped in the information office to see about the sound of music tours i was so desperate to go on. i decided i would go on the 2pm tour, so i walked all around the city and took many many pictures. i ran into an older woman that is staying in my room, we had lunche and talked. she is a writer her name is linda, shes 68 and lives in florida. shes travelling around the world for a year. we had great conversation about life and travelling and compared cities we had been to. well it was getting close to 2pm so i went to the information office to get on my sound of music tour bus. the tour guide was absolutely fantastic cause he would kind of make fun of the fact people get carted around salzburg to see the gazeebo leazil and rolf sang im 16 going on 17. they played the whole sound of music sound track everywhere we went which was fantastic cause i was living my dream while i listened to the music that drew me to the place. They took us out to the countryside where they filmed the scenes in the beginnig of the movie. while we were drivig out i was trying to find myself a green hill to come back to to sing the sound of music on while i would twirl around. anyways after my tour i ate a sandwich and came back to the hostel just in time to watch the sound of music which they play everyday at 8pm. while i was watching the begnning where they show the scenery of Austria, i recognized all the places, i had been there not to long ago. then when julie andrews started to sing on the green hill i started to cry, i was moved for the fact that i had been there, so many years i dreamed of that and talked about it, so many, i was emotional i almost had to leave cause it was a bit much to cry over the sound of music but it was the fact i made that dream come true, i did it, after all these years. all the places they filmed in salzburg i saw, i recognized the city and places, it was a feeling of complete happiness and accomplishment, just like when i moved to El Escorial, when i became a teacher, and when i danced sevillanas at the feria de sevilla. i have many dreams, i can do them, but some or more important than others. i want to see a lion in the serengheti and go to the great wall of china, i want to see penguins in antartica and visit buenos aires. but then there are dreams which are much more important to me, like going to salzburg and singing the sound of music on a little green hill, or moving to El Escorial, becoming a historian, or dancing sevillanas at the feria, becoming a teacher, and of course going to Machu Pichu in Peru and having my own personal llama carry my things. I love making my dreams come true, even though they are very hard to do and you have to work very hard to do them, its the best feeling in the world, i recommend it to everyone, make dreams come true, i couldnt live without knowing i will make them come true. The hardest thing to do in life is to truely do what you want to do, no matter what it is.

Ten years ago when i was living with jessica nd marissa and working at Caffe D´Amor (remember girls?) there was this calendar at my desk. and in that calender there was a picture on ever month of villages all over europe. i tore out all the pictures and kept them and said to myself i would visit all of those places one day. i still have those pictures and have them with me in madrid. one of the places in that calendar is of a town called Halsatt in Austria. Gorgeous place tucked away in the moutains and by a lake. Tommorow i am going to halstatt, i am going to my first place in my calendar, even though its taken 10 years, im going tommorow, i did it, im going to one of my pictures in my calendar, that silly little dream people would laugh at and go "yeah right" i am going damn it, i was really serious about my calendar, it just took some time.

Today was a memorable day for me cause i was somewhere i had always dreamed of visiting for the silly little reson of the movie, but i dont care, its my dream, and it fills my heart, and i look forwad to seeing my penguins one day and and visiting Machu Pichu. all in good time.

Well i havent had very much time in Vienna to write. I walked all over the city and it was absolutely beautiful, gorgeous, wish you were here. i met a canadian girl in my room and we went out for dinner and went to this permanent carnival in Vienna and had a great time going on roller coasters and fun houses. Then we went out for a beer on the way back to the hostal (after we were lost for an hour and a half trying to find the right tram back to where we had to go) well we met 3 canadians at the bar and we ended up going out really late and i ended the night by dancing with a canadian flag while the sun came up in Vienna. after my performance with the canadian flag I went back to the hostal to pack then i took a train to Salzburg where i am at now and i am going to sleep and then i am going to wake up around 8pm to watch the sound of music which they play every night here at the hostal. i have 4 nights booked here and i am sooooooooooo doing the tourist sound of music thing, i am going soooo prepared with my camera and everything tommorow on my sound of music tour. i almost starting crying when i was on the bus on the way to my hostal and i saw the place where they sang "doe a deer" when they are on steps by a fountain and statues, i was like "oh my god look, oh jesus oh my god" anyway, i am doing EVERY sound of music thing i dont care how cheesy it is, i have wanted to come here because of that movie for more than half my life and i am not holding back. my new canadian friend, Cati, asked if i wanted to go to Romania with her, i told her i would love to but i have to go to salzburg, and she was like "ah its not that great, its whatever blah blah blah" i was like no you DONT understand i HAVE to go to salzburg its very important and its the only place on my trip that was a must see.

anyways one of the friends i made in Estonia (Mike) took picturs with his digital camera and has sent me the website where you can view them you have to click on "travelling buddies" there are pictures of me, Georg, Ana and Pambos. there are also pictures of some people i dont know and interesting characters from the hostal in Riga

http://www.flickr.com/photos/an_agent/sets/

its almost 4 am and im having a blast im bonding with german people´in austria and drinking beer and talking about the fermentation of beer in germany and a 86 year old grandma helped me find my hostel today!! i must go to heilderberg in germany where i have been invited!!! this guy who works reception is finding informationm for me to go to halstatt, austria where i have had a picture of for 10 years and always wanted to go anyways ill write better tommrow, right now they are playing the rolling stones "paint it black" i see a white dog and i want to paint it black!!! i ove this song!!!!!!!!!!
ausria rocks!!!