My Trip in Eastern Europe

well here i am back in Madrid, i arrived on a bus from Barcelona this morning at 6:30am. i slept for a while and i have spent the entire day cleaning house and preparing for the first day of work tommorow.
In all sincerity, this trip had been one of the most fantastic things i have done in my life and it came at a time when i needed it most. As we all know i have my head always full of a million things, my soul is never quiet, it´s always moving and wanting to learn new things. But i also want to do so many things and sometimes i don´t know where to start. This trip has taught me more about myself and has taught me to understand my dreams better and what is most important to me. As we know i am planning to come back to Los Angeles for a while and i did alot of thinking about that while i was on my trip. i have also noticed how far i have come and what i am willing to sacrifice to make my dreams come true. I have met many people on my journey. I liked meeting people like me that travel around and i loved exchanging stories about places you have both been. Though most of the people i met in hostels were young students who were constantly asking me what i was studying or when i told them i lived in madrid they asked me what i was studying. I was like "no i work" and they would say "ya i´m going to have to look for a job soon one of these days" and they would ask me "how long i had been working for and i would say "12 years" and they just didn´t know what to say. i know my life has been a bit different than most of the people i met along the way, and it was hard to relate to them cause they hadn´t worked a day in their life and had travelled more than me at the age of 22. At times i would tear up inside but felt better when i really thought about it and that i did it on my own and never stopped dreaming. I was travelling and going to these places cause i really wanted to and worked hard for it and it meant so much to me to be there. i wasn´t travelling cause i was 22 and that´s what you do at that age when you go to "college" then you work and the travelling stops and so do the dreams then you retire. It was very personal to me and everyday was a dream come true.

I remember hanging out outside the hostal in Krakow listening to the guys playing guitar (the night rat boy touched my heart) and feeling so warm inside as the sound of the acoustic guitar always takes me to one of my most treasured childhood memories, listening to my father play the guitar. He would play all the time, and we would keep about our business while he played, because it was something i think he did to relax or disconnect. we never interupted him, we always enjoyed it, he always played the same songs over and over again and we would always listen attentively to the end of "Seagull" to see if he would be able to do the ending this time. He sang with all his heart, he sang with everything he had inside of him, and we would all feel it, it brought peace into the home for time he played and then it would all go to hell when Justin would have a fit cause he refused to take out the trash or Taylor would kick the nintendo cause he lost, but for that time my father would play, we were at peace. That night in Krakow, i became a bit emotional thinking about my mother and father and brothers and how much i missed them and how i missed those times of peace which were few and far in betweeen, but were wonderful. I could never live without listening to my father play guitar, the day he can´t play anymore i never want to hear one again.

The 3 days i spent in that small town in the south of the Czech Republic called Ceske Budojovice, were very instense for me. It rained very heavily and i was the only person in that little hostel. I was so meant to end up in that god forsaken town cause i did alot of thinking. i stayed in most of the time and ate and read my Pablo Coehlo books that were the best things i could have read on my trip. I would sit in my room for hours reading and thinking to myself and recapping my life. it reminded me when i first moved to El Escorial. I had 900 dollars, 2 suitcases and a dream. i found an apartment that wasn´t furnished (which is typical in spain) no t.v., radio, books, music, conversation, nothing, not a damn thing. It was very very very cold and i didn´t have hot water or heating for the first 2 weeks. i would sit in my empty living room and drink instant coffee and smoke fortuna lights and look at the monastery that beckoned at my living room window. I sold everything and left everything i had to live in this small village in Spain and was able to find an apartment with views of my treasured monastery which i also kept so close to my heart and there i was. i felt so retarded. i was like i am soooooo cold and hungry and i don´t have any working papers or friends or money. But there was a little flutter in my heart that reminded me that this was my dream and the time had come and i knew i would make it happen cause i can survive like a cat in the street, but when you are faced with your dream right there you don´t know what to do with it, because it was always a dream. I made my life happen only because i really wanted to live in Spain. If i didn´t want it as bad as i did, i wouldn´t have lasted, but i knew i would make it happen. And the time i went was the best time for me. I was younger, 23, full of dreams and tired of life (which didn´t get ANY easier). the people that have come into my life in spain all came in at the right time. If i would have arrived in Spain 1 week later than planned, my life here in spain would be completely different. I came when i was supposed to, cause it was my heart that told me it was time to go. Just like it was my heart that told me it was time to make this trip. I am a very strong believer in following your dreams and really being true to your heart and i know i live my life much like a dreamer and most people don´t agree with my lifestyle which is absolutely fine cause everyone is different but i dont´feel silly anymore being a dreamer. I ask so many people what are your dreams? and you would be amazed how many people don´t have any dreams. if they do they usually do with making money or being professionally succesful. It´s as if people have forgotten to dream, they forgot what it was that they wanted to do. So many people couldn´t give me an answer, it was as if they never thought about it. i would think to myself, wow i want to do a MILLION THINGS, i want to learn 5 languages, go to the great wall of china, go to machu pichu, visit argentina, see penguins in antartica, work in France, dance in my living room, enjoy good wine with great friends, play with children, crochet scarfs, take pictures, dance with people all over the world, taste food from countries i have never heard of, dance with an african tribe, move to sevilla, sing with strangers, have a love affair that lasts 3 beautiful days, work with handicapped children, help poor people, learn how to cook more food, blah, blah blah, blah,blah,blah i just don´t shut up, and there were so many people that couldn´t even name 3 things they like to do in their spare time. I was like "man, you´ve got to live, here lets write down what you like and what you have always wanted to do" and they were like "no, i have my family and my friends and my job, it´s to hard" and i really learned that i have to respect everyone as i want to be respected and i can´t change the world in a month. I guess i just wanted everyone to dream and work towards it and the things they truly want, but i guess they don´t want to really make it happen i guess, i still haven´t figured it out. i think it´s because most people like security and i just throw security right out that window "who needs it when you could get hit by a bus tommorow or get sick in 2 years?" I like feeling alive now. Even though i have many problems and my life is a constant bad columbian soap opera (without the make-up and tacky clothes) I guess i always remind myself i could be seriously ill, homeless,living in a war stricken country, or worst of all...be alone.

Which brings me to another point. With all the things i have done and all the places i have been to, none of what i have done would have been possible if i didn´t have all the family and friends i have, though my family has given me alot of grief and still does from time to time and it´s been nice being away from them for a while (they form part of the bad columbian soap opera), they have always been so supportive of me and never discouraged me EVER to chase my dreams. I carry a piece of everyone in my family in me, always. I want to thank everyone in my family for always accepting me just the way i was no matter how silly i dressed or how chaotic my life has been. I want to thank them all for pitching in when i was a very little girl and all forming an important part in raising me. I want to thank my mom for always encouraging me to be myself and never judging me and always defending me at school to teachers who felt something was wrong with her daughter cause she was "different" I want to thank my father for telling me when i was 12 the key to life was to never marry or have credit cards, and of course for playing his guitar and always reminding me i was a lady and i should eat like one not like a ravenous animal. I want to thank the friends that made me feel like i never left, and the ones who have made the fantastic effort to come out and see me during these past 4 and a half years (jessica holds the record, 3 times!!!) The friends who have had to deal with all the plan 9 from outer space plans i have had and have nodded their head and said "that´s sounds good" I wouldn´t be anywheres near the person i am now if i didn´t have the most fantastic friends by my side. I want to thank all of my friends in Spain as well who have always offered their heart, ear, or their couch and have tried to understand my problems the best they could and random hysterical fits, for also making my life in Spain the most spectacular 4 and a half years i have ever had and helping me pull through those very difficult first years, thank you. Thank you to everyone who has helped me become the person i am now and helping me go after all those dreams i treasure and hold so close to my heart. I am truly a very loved person and that perhaps is the most important thing in my life, all of you, because even though the spectacular firework show in budapest was beautiful, and the coffee in Austria was superb, the rising and setting of the sun in various beautiful eastern european cities, the fantastic beer in the Poland, the fantastic views in Prague and the pastries in Vienna were magnificent and the sound of nothing in a mountain in Austria were all fanstatic and soul filling, not one of those things are as important and beautiful as you. I love you.
live your dreams, laugh, follow your heart and smile!

well i leave soon, i just finished packing and am trying to get everything sorted. i am departing tonight at 10:00 from Madrid to Girona, then catching a plane from Girona to Stockholm, then catching a boat from Stockholm to Tallin (Estonia), very excited!!!! can´t wait!!

Bueno me voy pronto, acabo de terminar de hacer la maleta (bueno la mochila) y me voy esta noche de Madrid a Girona, luego desde Girona voy en avion hasta Estocolmo, y luego voy desde Estocolmo a Tallin en un barco!! no puedo esperar!! que aventura!!